What saved my life

I think I'm going to write two new things today. The first of which is going to be my testimony. I feel that sharing how the Lord has worked in my life to bring me to Him is very important. I've never written my testimony down before so I'm not sure how this is going to progress so if it's choppy please forgive me.

I grew up as a very happy child. My family took vacations often and I had a pretty good childhood as far as grades and friends went. My family was a two-a-year catholic church going family. Other than Christmas and Easter we never went to church. Although we didn't go to church my parents insisted that my family still went to sunday school every week. This was more of a hang out time with the friends I met there. God was presented but in such a fashion that God was this big ominous being the loomed over us and knew whenever we did something wrong. Because of this I never realized or was taught that someone could have a growing and loving relationship with the Lord. God to me just sounded likea mean boss who would flood the world if I wasn't good all the time.

In middle school I was (for lack of a better word) a dork. I didn't have many friends and I was picked on alot. This left me starving for social acceptance and friends heading into high school. I joined as many clubs and sports as possible. This completely transformed me. Instead of beig a shy. awkward kid I was now confident and had alot of friends. I constantly looked to these friends whenever something went wrong in my life. I was fully invested in them and rarely went a day without talking to one of them for an extended period of time or hanging out with one of them.

During my sophomore year my parents announced that they were going to start living in seperate houses and insisted that nothing would change as far as family dynamics. Though outwardly I took the seperation (and later on divorce) with a grain of salt on the inside I was very upset by this suprising turn of events. Looking back I think that these reason I didn't want to show any weakness or the fact that if affected me at all is because I didn't want my younger siblings to see me crumble. I felt like I was the rock of my family that was changing so fast. I couldn't let my siblings see me show any weakness because I felt like I would have failed them. During this time I invested heavily in my friends and I resorted to depending on them even more for happiness.

One of the groups I had joined to make friends was Young Life. Even though I went to YL all four years of high school the thought of having a relationship with the Lord never really clicked with me. I always heard about how there was a defining moment in peoples lives where they felt God. At that point I had not yet had a moment like that. On graduation day, May 29th 2007, my world was turned upside down. Two of my sisters best friends, Lauren Dietz and Miranda Phelps, were killed in a car accident on theri way home from school. During the next few weeks I tried to depend on my friends as I had done before. The only problem was they couldn't be there for me this time. They were as broken as I was and were in no state to help. I could no longer depend on the clubs and sports to busy my mind either.

A little over a month later I went to Young Life camp. I never would have guessed how much that week would change my life. The main reason I wanted to go was to have fun and hopefully just forget abotu what had taken place not long before. With there only being one guy leader there and about 14 guys I didn't get to spend to much time with Will. Throughout the week the speaker talked about how we tend to fill our lives with stuff that does not fill us and how eventually all these things will fail us at some point or another. For the first couple of days I blew off the speaker a bit and just concentrated on having fun. After my 1 on 1 time with Will and after finally opening up to listening to the speakers message I realized how guilty I was of trying to use other things in life to make me happy.

The speaker went on to tell us that unlike the things in our lives that let us down constantly God is steady, unchanging, and He unconditionally loves us. Even though what he said didn't sink in right away it ate away ate me all week. I knew I filled my life with my friends and depended on them for everything. But the question on my mind was was I willing to leave my life of old to pursue God?

On the second to last day at camp I sat on a bench overlooking the lake and everything became very clear to me. My entire life had been scripted for me to get to this one moment in time. God had made Himself and His word present in my life and now it was my choice to decide if I wanted to follow Him. During the talk that morning the speaker told us that even though we are sinners and we have all turned away from the Lord, He loves us so much that He sent His son to this earth to die for our sins. All this only beause He wanted to have a relationship with us. He didn't have to send Christ but He did it anyways just because of His love for us. I realized that even though I didn't deserve it, and to this day I still don't, God has unconditional love for me. On that day, on that bench, I came to realize just how much I needed the Lord. Since that day, July 9th 2007, I have been pursueing God and He changes my life on a daily basis and I am so thankful for it.

Luke 15: 4-7
"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."